“Never use the word ‘no’ with a child”, someone advised me.
I totally agree that using negative words with a baby is not good… but if I see it from a different perspective I want to teach my daughter how to rise above a no.
So, here is my letter to my daughter:
You are an amaging little human. You are beautiful and I know you will grow up to be very intelligent but let me tell you a very important thing –
You won’t be accepted everywhere, not everyone would agree with you and so you might have to face the situation where you will a get ‘no’ as an answer.
Believe me, there is nothing negative about it. Don’t get disheartened when somebody says no to you. Don’t lose hope when you get ‘no’ as an answer and DO NOT EVER THINK OF GIVING UP.
You have to learn and I know you will learn as you grow up that ‘no’ is just an opportunity to think of better ways to get your things done. When you get no as an answer, you get an opportunity to think of other ways to solve your problem. Remember: there are three options when you get no as an answer:
(1) Give Up
(2) Try Out Something Else
(3) Try your best to negotiate and convince the others to change their answer to a yes.
Never ever choose the first option, never ever give up. Not because this will make you a loser but because this will stop you from learning new things, this will stop you from experiencing different and new things in life and I know that’s not what you would want.
When someone says no to you please think of other ways and options. There might be something better that you can choose and may be the answer may turn out to be Yes. The options in your life will be limitless. For example, you might not be able to get admission in your desired college but then may be the other colleges would be better than the first one. Or may be your performance might change everything. So, be prepared. Not getting admission in one college is definitely not the end of this world. You should always be open to millions of options available. A no might lead you a millions of yes.
The third option is my favourite. You ask me, Why? Because this will teach you a very important life skill. Negotiation skills. It is important to learn it but you can’t learn it in a day or from any book… This will come slowly and gradually. How to get what you want without using unfair means, how to convinve people that what you believe is right, how to let others see your perspective and change their no to a yes.
You can’t give up just like that. And believe me, there will be times when you will have to be really patient to convince people to understand your opinion and stopping at the ‘no’ will never be the right option then.
I want you to be a fighter. Please don’t stop at a ‘no’… Please move on, move ahead… There are millions of possibility in life and I want you to be prepared for both a ‘yes’ and a ‘no’. Mmmmuuuuaaahhhh