My hormonal changes, my baby, my mood swings, my cravings, my time to rest… and what not. For the past 17 months or add nine more months to this, I forgot you. You were always there by my side but I did not even notice.
It was few days back that I realized how little time I am giving you. When I sat next to you after making our daughter sleep and you simply put your head on my lap and closed your eyes, I looked at your face. You looked tired, you had that innocent smile of yours on your face but you looked tired. When I moved my fingers in your hair and you slept within a second I realized that you are missing “our time”.
I want to confess that all this while I was so much engrossed with our baby that I totally forgot that you are also just like a child who needs my time, my attention. You never ask for it, you never complain but I know you love it when I find a moment to sit and watch your favourite movie with you.
I want to thank you for making this period so blissfully easy for me, holding my hand when I walked with that big baby bump, putting a cushion behind me as I sat on a chair, getting burgers for me late night and tolerating all the unreasonable tantrums I threw. We have a happy child because you made your I have a happy pregnancy. All this while I was concentrating on the baby or fighting with my own mood swings totally neglecting you. There might have been times when you might have wanted me, where you might have wanted to share things with me but I was busy, busy with myself.
I want to apologise that even after the baby’s birth when you woke up with me late nights and took care of the baby, I did not even thank you. I was so disturbed about me not getting proper sleep that I forgot that you were also up all night and went to work the next morning without even mentioning once what you did. While I could relax a bit with the baby in the afternoon, you could not; still, you cradled the baby in your arms all night so that I could sleep.
I blamed my hormones or periods or postpartum depression. Nothing was false, I was having difficulty identifying my feelings. Some days I cried for no reason and you sat consoling me. All this while I never asked about you, your work, your thoughts. I only asked you to help, to do stuff for me, to bring things I wanted, to make things easy for me and I can’t deny that you did everything. You played both the role of a father and a husband but I could not. When I wanted to start working again, you stayed home to look after our baby so that I could go for my interviews.
I forgot that I used to make cards for you, I forgot that I used to write small love notes to you, I forgot that these small little gestures of mine brought a smile on your face.
What amazes me is how can All this go unnoticed… may be I was busy being a mom.
You don’t complain, you don’t express yet now I can see that I neglected you unintentionally and you still love me, you still understand me. I promise that I will try to make up for it ❤ I will try to strike a balance between two roles and whenever we will have our next child I won’t bug you as much as the last time 😛
This article of mine was originally published on mycity4kids.com