Ever since we have become parents there is this consistent fear that keeps revolving in our minds. We don’t say this to each other but it is quite evident. Every single moment I am scared about my child’s safety. When I see a picture of an injured child in a newspaper or somewhere else, my heart sinks and the first thing that comes to my mind is ‘What IF it were my child?’
Even when she is peacefully sleeping in bed all covered up with numerous pillows and I hear the smallest of noise from outside, I actually run like a maniac towards her. I have stopped reading newspaper because it scares me, it scares me beyond limits. I have turned into a lioness, but a scared yet crazy one, who is always always on guard to protect her baby.
When I see a picture of kids starving, I understand, Now I understand how painful it would be for the mothers to see their kids starving. Motherhood has made me more understanding. I try and contribute. A mother can bear all the pain on herself but she can never ever let anything harm her baby.
A ‘Mom’ cry from her makes me rush towards her with all my weapons to save her, as if she is always in some danger.
Now I know why my parents got worried when I was late from office, or did not call them once a day, or why my dad made sure he talked to each one of my friends? It was not that they did not trust me. They did all this because I was precious to them and they always wanted me to be safe and free from all the pain. I now understand why my mother hardly allowed me to work in the kitchen. I still remember when my mom in law asked her if i could cook, my mother replied, ‘Yes she can. But please keep her away from gas stove.’
My mother in law smiled because even she understands a mother’s fears. I laughed at my mother for saying this. What seemed funny to me was something very serious for my mother.
MY fears for my child might be irrational to some but to me they are real. I want to be alert.
Is it any different for my husband? I don’t think so. When we had a nanny, every Saturday and Sunday I would notice my husband keeping an eye on her. HE did not like it that the nanny bathed our daughter. ‘She is not gentle’, ‘Why don’ you bath Abhitha?’, ‘I think she holds her very tight that is why she cries while bathing’ were some regular statements and I know that he heaved a sigh of relief when I decided to fire the nanny.
Sometimes my husband works late in the study and falls asleep there only but as soon as he hears our daughter crying even a bit for milk, he comes running as if I am not there and I know this is because he is scared like me.
When we come across a news that is related to a child, there is an awkward silence which is later followed by a discussion where we share our fears and what we can do to keep her safe.
The little baby crying in her mother’s arms on the red light makes me thank god a million times that we are able to provide our daughter good food, good life. AT the same time, I can feel the pain of that mother who has to beg for her daughter.
I have fear of heights so it is impossible for me to stand in the balcony of my house with my daughter, what is she takes a sudden jerk. ANd you know what I live on the first floor. I don’t even let my husband hold her up in the balcony. THis ‘What if’ fear is too big for me.
May be I am over protective, may be I am too scared but look at her, she is so small, so fragile. I wonder if she would ever grow up for me.
While she is sleeping we look at her and then share a silent promise that we will always protect her, keep her safe from every danger.
We are scared, there is a fear but that does not mean we will stop her from growing, or deprive her off her freedom. NO, never, she will fly, fly like a bird but somewhere behind her you would see us flying, slowly keeping an eye on any danger that dares to come close to our baby. She will be my lioness.
this blog of mine was originally published on http://www.mycity4kids.com an amazing site for parents.