You Stood By Me When I Failed As A Mother

I wonder what exactly it means to be on the same page with your partner? What does parenting from the same page mean? Does it mean that we share each others’ responsibilities or does it mean dividing the responsibilities or does it simply mean understanding each others’ responsibilities? You stood by me when I failed as a mother.

I guess it is an amalgam of all. We have to divide our responsibilities yet we need to be ready to share each others’ task if need arises and at the same time understand when one of us faces a problem while handling the baby.

Yes, being on the same page as parents means supporting each other not just when we are doing good as a parent but when we make a mistake and we need confidence to make a come back.

When my daughter was born, I could see disappointment on many faces. On the faces of people who worship Goddess, on the faces of people who were supposed to be my own, my loved ones and it hurt. I was a darling to everyone but as soon as I gave birth to a daughter things changed. I and my husband were hurt. My daughter has a birthmark, a big one, on her forehead and that became a matter of concern for everyone as if it was some kind of deformity. She is a beautiful girl, and I have never seen anyone as beautiful as her. But, our loved ones were not that happy.

Anyways, it hardly mattered to us but then something happened that made me a failure. I was with our loved ones, at their house, when they decided to get my daughter’s head shaved, in my husband’s absence. It was the time when I had to react as a mother but I did not, I was scared to rebel, so I acted as a daughter, rebelling might have led to problems for my parents so I kept quiet.

My loved ones called my husband declaring their decision, he refused and they did not tell me. They took us to a temple, and I am a firm believer in God but the place was not safe to take a ONE MONTH OLD BABY. Yes, she was a month old when they got her head shaved. Something that was meant to happen at a right age with lots of celebrations, happened like a crime, stealthily, with my daughter. Their were mosquitoes, monkeys and dogs everywhere. It was scorching heat in the month of April. Long Iron bars were piled up in a corner.

They took her in their arms and the man shaved her head with a razor. She cried and I turned away with fear. She was looking here and there searching for her mother but her mother was a coward, who could not protect her. Once done, they handed me the baby, there was a turmeric patch on her head, there was cut blood had clotted there. I held her tight and started feeding her to calm her down, sitting in a dingy corner flying mosquitoes away from her head. I cried and they were tears of remorse. What had I done?

There was a lot that happened that was enough to make me feel horrible. As soon as my husband came to know about it he came and brought us back. I told him it was my fault equally because our loved ones had not forced me, if I had shown the courage to simply say no, nothing would have happened. His reply made me understand him as a father.

He said, ‘You got caught up between two roles, and yes you made a mistake. You did not even know that I had said no for this.’ I still believe it was my fault that created distances, my cowardice that had led to this incident. It was not easy to come out of that guilt. But I am trying with his support.

When I myself consider this to be my fault, along with everyone else, he stood by me, showed that he still trusts me and believes that I am a good mother.
I believe this is parenting from the same page. When one of us falls down, the other one does not loose faith, he/ she simply, holds your hand, helps you get up and rub the dust off and learn from our mistakes. This is parenting from the same page that when one of because of any reason gets weak the other one becomes his/ her support, to hold hands to put an arm around the shoulder and look into each others’ eyes and promise that I will stand by you, no matter what.

Or as my husband always sing, ‘I will stand by you forever, you can take my breath away.’ We might argue about thing but we are definitely on the same page because we love each others as partners and as parent to our child.

This blog of mine was originally published on http://www.mycity4kids.com

http://www.mycity4kids.com/parenting/diary-of-a-mother/article/you-stood-by-me-when-i-failed-as-a-mother

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