Things change after marriage, yes they do. Being newly married we get almost all of our husbands’ attention. But then there is someone who has just lost all that attention. Yes, a mother in law. She is judged on a parameter that is not just, she is compared to our own mother, I am not sure if that is a right parameter. How are we supposed to like somebody as much as our own mother and so this parameter makes us see some negative things in her and that is unfair to her.
After marriage, sometimes, I saw my mother in law going out of her way to make dishes for my husband. You see what I did there… I wrote ‘my husband’ when I could have written ‘her son’ as well. So, coming back to my point, I used to see her doing things for her son, being extra caring, trying to comfort him even more, and making dishes of his choice. First thing that came to my immature mind was, ‘why is she competing? Why is she doing it over?’
Was I wrong? Yes. All I saw was a woman competing. I could not see a mother, who was once the center of her son’s world. A woman who was the most beautiful woman for her son, she still is I believe.
Now that I am a mother, and my daughter keeps running after me, I feel important and in the coming years I am going to get addicted to being the most important person in my child’s life. Then one day someone will come in her life and will take up my share of time and love and importance. Will I be able to accept it all at once. No, I won’t be.
When I look at my mother in law, I see that she is not trying to compete with me, all she is doing is see that love in her son’s eyes that she was used to seeing all the time. I see that all she wants is her son’s affection. It is there, my husband was a Mamma’s boy, as everyone tells me, when he was a little boy he never went anywhere without her, even when she used to work in the kitchen, he would sit next to her and simply keep observing her. He still is, I have seen him calling out his mother even in sleep, he would simply say ‘Mummy, Mummy’ in sleep and goes back to sleep again. May be this happens when he sees a bad dream and he calls out to the person he knows can comfort him the most.
I know, that sometimes, mothers in law try to avoid us, or say things that we might not like or something else. But as I am growing up I am learning that these things are there in every relationship. We can’t keep on complaining. She is the woman who has given me her best man, her son; she is the woman who has shared the love of the man she might have loved the most, her son; she has brought up the man whom I admire the most, whose qualities I believe are superior than many and he must have inherited them from his parents; the good ideals he follows in life must be his mother’s ideals.
There will be complaints, there will be arguments, we are two women in his life and we might not agree much with each other but then she is a mother, my husband’s mother who has made him what he is today. Being a mother, I must confess that it is not easy to share your child’s affection. It is just not easy to share, I know letting go is important but definitely not that easy. She was my husband’s first best friend, his first love and I can’t deny it.
Our relationship with our mothers in law can’t be the same we have with our mothers but then we need some spice in life. Sweet and sour but still full of admiration for bringing up a gentleman. I believe she has all the rights, may be a little competition with her make me learn a lot of stuff.
So, dear mother in law, we might argue sometimes or might not like each others’ point of view or actions but then we share one thing common, we love the same man and I want to thank you for giving me a perfect husband.