Most of the times I am really confident about my parenting and then there are days when I feel like a complete failure. The situation goes out of hands and I just get confused. These are the times when I start wondering if I was ready to have a child or if I will ever be a good parent.
This morning, I actually faced one such situation. My toddler wasn’t ready to change clothes. I was left with just fifteen minutes to get her ready for school and she was in no mood to change clothes. She wanted to go to school in her pyjamas and an old t-shirt. I tried everything to make her change clothes – saam, daam, dand and bhed. Now, saam i.e. explaining and reasoning failed miserably. Then I tried bribing her and it was even worse. I tried to scare her that I would spank her and that infuriated her even more. Bhed was the only option left. I told her that she cannot go to school in such clothes and therefore from now on she would never go to school and I would give her books and bag to the maid. That worked because my daughter simply loves going to school. She left for school on time but I felt horrible. It was blackmailing and I had actually blackmailed my daughter emotionally. No wonder I felt like a failure.
And if you are parent you would know how it feels to actually see your child cry because of you. So, in the afternoon I went to pick her up from school and she came running to me with a smile. She had forgiven me or perhaps forgotten about the incident. I was left feeling miserable.
With time I have learnt to value myself more as a parent. There have been times when I have felt that I have failed as a parent and these are the following things I remind myself whenever that happens:
- I am an awesome mom, one little setback cannot make me a bad parent. Tomorrow will definitely be better.
- I am just too tired/stressed and that’s why I am seeing so much of negativity in smallest of things. I just need some rest and I will be back to being a super parent. So what the child did not eat the vegetables or finished the milk or even threw tantrum in the market. It’s just a phase. BREATHE IN, BREATHE OUT AND SLEEP.
- It is not just this moment that is going to build my child’s character. I am not perfect and no one is. I cannot expect my child to be at her best all the time. I need to take a chill pill.
- Plan my darling, plan again. SO what my Plan H failed, there are 18 more letters left. I just need to strategies better the next day.
- My baby needs to learn discipline and for that, if I have to be the bad mom sometimes, it’s all cool I think. Nahi Kya!
- I think I have set my standards too high. Let’s just tweek it a bit. Instead of two chapatis, let us just make peace with one and a half. I expect too much from myself, do all the chores, be a perfect mom, sometimes letting the task list relax a bit as well.
- Being a parent is DIFFICULT. I don’t know about others but I think being a parent is hard. Keeping my toddler in control or disciplined all the time is difficult and I am bound to fail sometimes.
- STOP IMAGINING. Nobody’s house is super clean, well-managed the way you think it must be. Every house with a child is just like yours because that reflects life. Nobody enjoys preparing four meals a day, the pics that you see on Instagram, that’s not how other moms are preparing food every day. There are days when the family needs to eat khichdi, corn flakes or wada pao. AGAIN SWEETHEART, BREATHE IN, BREATHE OUT.
- She is just a baby. You just have to relax. Let her be a child – untamed, unrestricted, free. When was the last time you felt free as a grown up… never. There is always some responsibility. Let your child enjoy her own freedom. Let her jump in puddles, let her scream and throw tantrums, let her enjoy being pampered and loved, let her be the baby boss sometimes.
As long as my baby wants to snuggle close to my heart, wants to hug me and cuddle me, I think I am not a bad parent.