My Parenting Mantra – To Be The Parent I Needed And Not The Parent I Had

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Here you can read some best fruitful contents and parenting experiences by the most popular Mom Bloggers.
Click on the link to meet all blogger moms who are a part of this Blog Train: ‪#‎MyParentingMantra being driven over this month.

Thank you, Perzen from Bawi Mummy  for introducing me.

When we become parents, the first example that we have in our minds is our parents. Intentionally or unintentionally we find the reflection of their parenting style overshadowing ours. There are moments when we see our mother’s or father’s reflection in the way we deal with different challenges we face as parents. I was no exception either and it was nothing but shocking for me to see myself reacting in a way that I never ever wanted to.

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My little one is two and a half year old and she is just like any toddler, too naughty, too active, tantrum throwing and a fussy eater. As a child I have always been a little too scared of my parents. I am not blaming them or saying that they were bad parents but as a child, I was always scared to admit whatever small mistakes I made for the fear that they would scold me. And so in order to hide a small mistake that I might have done unintentionally, I intentionally wove different lies to hide that one little mistake. Once, I scored very low score in Science and I was so terrified of my mother that I told her wrong marks. Then I kept hiding the answer sheet in different places so that she could not find it and finally tried hiding the report card and it was stressful for a nine year old me. I was scared all the time, I was always on guard and trying to keep my bag safe. Truth was scoring low marks was not even a big deal for my parents, they were just okay with it. But just to make us study well they used to show that it was a big deal and that’s where I feel things went wrong because as a child I did not know what they actually think, I only knew what they showed.

This was one mistake I never wanted to make as a parent. At least that’s what I had decided before I had a child.

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Then the other day, my little one’s playschool had this annual function. They had been practicing for days. The song was – itti si hasi, itti si khushi. My little one looked so cute dancing. I used to go to pick her up early so that I could see her practicing. And then on the annual day, my baby got too conscious and refused to go on the stage. No matter what I tried she simply refused to do it. I don’t know why and how I behaved that way but now when I look back I feel ashamed. It was just a dance, and it shouldn’t have mattered to me but I was so irritated. I kept trying till the end to make her go on the stage and every time she came back running to me.

I wasn’t able to simply understand that this is the first time ever she was to perform on stage and it was okay if she did not want to do it. On the other hand, my husband was all cool about it. He was making a video of other little kids performing on stage while I kept trying to make my daughter to go up on stage.

Later when the event ended, the DJ was simply repeating all the songs as people were leaving the auditorium and my daughter herself went on the stage and danced when almost everyone had left. She was happy, free and enjoying with her father and I was crying. I was crying because all I was thinking about was performing for others instead of performing for herself. I was acting just like my parents, this wasn’t what I wanted.

That one incident acted like an eye opener for me. My daughter will only know me as the kind of parent I will show her and not as the kind I want to be. This was scary because I would never want my daughter to be scared of me or to be scared of the mistakes she would make in life. I would never want her to hide things from me just because she would be scared of me. I don’t want her to go through that trauma that I had gone through as a child just because I had this fear that I might get punished because that’s how my mom acted from outside, within she was calm, she understood but on the exterior she showed she was angry, she was not satisfied with my grades. She meant well, she wanted me to do even better but it troubled me, it hindered my growth, I still get scared of people, even after giving my hundred percent I feel that I haven’t done well enough.

I don’t want this to happen to my daughter, I don’t want to be the parent I had, I want to be the parent I needed. I have learnt from my mistakes and I try my best to stay calm and be okay with the way my daughter wants to take things in life. I don’t get upset or even look upset even when she mistakenly and sometimes acting naughty she breaks something or other. I sit down with her, talk to her with love, explain to her what’s right or wrong and try my best to show that I trust her and that I will be there with her when she would make a mistake to help her correct things with love and affection.

And Now I would like to invite my fellow blogger Rakhi, who blogs at  www.lifethrumyeyes.com and who is immensely talented and a wonderful mom to share her parenting mantra with us.

#MyParentingMantra

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3 comments

  1. Swati, this post made me think of all the mistakes I have made while being the over enthusiastic parent who wants the child to do well. It’s an eye opener. Just want I had to read today. I have my answers now.

    Like

  2. Swati, we all have people in our lives who inspire us and after becoming parent, our parents are on the top of the list. But yes, following our own instincts and not going by what we have experienced is also important as every child is different so is the approach;as every child is unique so is the parenting style..

    Nice read!!

    Like

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